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stardf29
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Name: Frank
Country: United States
State: Ohio
Metro: Cleveland
Birthday: 3/29/1988
Gender: Male
Interests: Christianity, anything C.S. Lewis (especially Narnia), math, science, books (especially fantasy), video games, RPG's, Pokemon, music, game shows, DDR, writing, fruit, battling typo demons, space explorations, and losing my sanity
Expertise: Math (as long as I've learned it), science (depends on the subject), and battling typo demons.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  stardf29
Yahoo:  the_joy_company
Member Since:
6/5/2005
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| So, during the Mod Moot of '08, we were sitting around reading some bad poetry. (Long story.) As we were reading it aloud and marveling at the painful rhymes and the sheer immaturity of the writing, I had the crazed idea to start "singing" the words like a screaming-heavy-metal artist would.
The effect was much liked.
Later on, we were talking about the credits songs to LWW... and decided that I would try "singing" the rather... weird lyrics of Wunderkind and Winter Light in screaming-heavy-metal style. A big success, apparently.
So, this is a tribute to that effort. This is for everyone who hated the credits music to LWW. 
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| Just a short story that came into my head. I think it might be part of a larger story, but I don't know what that story is.
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Ever since I met her, I was drawn to her. She had a certain spirit for life... she was very energetic, had a great sense of humor, and seemed to like doing crazy things in the classroom. I admired that spirit in her. She seemed to draw others to her, and thus she became popular. She never became part of the "popular crowd", though, as she preferred hanging out with her own friends. Because I was not one of her friends, I thought I had no chance with her.
I don't really know how we ended up friends. All I really know is that I ended up as friends with someone who just happened to be one of her closer friends. As such, I ended up hanging out with her group, being dragged along for all of her crazy adventures (and she sure did go on a lot of crazy adventures). As I was now part of her group, she started talking with me. I tended to get nervous whenever she was talking to me; my attraction to her had certainly not gone away, after all. In fact, it only grew stronger as I witnessed firsthand her spirit for life, and as we talked and got to know each other better.
Over the next couple of years, though, we became close friends. And at the same time, my initial attraction to her had grown until I was deeply in love with her. However, I could never get myself to tell her my feelings. After all, I was a coward... scared of rejection, scared of losing a friend... but also scared of hurting her... scared that even if we were together, it would only hamper her spirit for life. So for years, I kept my strong feelings for her hidden, while being her friend... hanging out with her, helping her out through life, and having her help me through life as well. I couldn't tell if she liked me, too... she did seem happy to see me, but then again of course a friend would be happy to see another friend. At the same time, she's awfully nice to me... she likes giving me various gifts, she likes to invite me out on her adventures with no one else, and she always likes to go out of her way to set up birthday parties for me.
I started wondering what I did to deserve all of her kindness. After all, I was no one special. I was just a guy whom she decided she wanted as a friend, for some reason. I didn't really have any real redeeming traits... for all I knew, I was just another everyday loser guy. Surely I did not merit the attention she always gave me.
And then... one day, after another birthday party she threw for me at her house, we were the last two people left. She offered to walk me home. And during that walk, I asked her those same questions. I asked her, "Why... why are you always so kind to me? I mean, I'm not the type of person who deserves all this... so why do you do all these things for me?"
She suddenly stopped, stood still for a moment, and then looked at me. "It's because you like me. Right?" she asked.
My heart skipped a beat. "No... of course not... don't joke around like that..." I stammered out.
"Oh, stop trying to deny it," she said. "I can tell. It's obvious."
I tried to compose myself and asked, "So... how long have you known?"
"...For forever, pretty much," she replied.
"But then... if you knew... then... why..." I didn't quite know what to say. "I mean... I guess... yeah... I like you a lot. I love you. So... will you go out with me, then?"
She just stared at me, then suddenly gave a laugh... what sounded like a very sorrowful laugh. "You wouldn't want to go out with someone like me," she said.
I was confused. "But... you know I want to be with you... and... you want to be with me too, right?"
After a moment of silence, she replied, "...I don't know."
"You... you don't know? Then... all of your kindness so far... what was that all about, then?"
She gave a sigh, and turned away from me before talking. "...I really am a horrible person, aren't I? I'm just selfishly toying with your feelings so I can feel good about myself."
"Huh? What are you talking about..."
"I'm a really messed-up girl, aren't I? Before I came to this school, I was just a depressed girl who got good grades, but had no friends. When I then got into this school, I decided I wanted to change that... so I started being more outgoing, being nice to people, and being my own crazy self... all just so that I wouldn't be lonely. And that worked... but then, my grades started slipping. I guess the schoolwork started getting really hard... but I used to get such good grades, and now this... I started to feel bad about myself again. So I turned to my friends. I figured, if I could at least get them to like me, I could feel better about myself... such a selfish thought, that is. And then I met you. And as soon as I started talking with you, I noticed that you seemed to have feelings for me. And I jumped at that. 'Here is someone who is in love with me,' I thought. And that thought made me feel good about myself. So I started being nice to you, to make sure you always liked me. Because as long as I knew you had feelings for me, I didn't feel so bad about myself. In a way, I guess I felt like I had power over you."
She turned around to look at me. "Heh. Now that I've said all that, I bet you don't like me anymore. I'm so stupid. But I guess that's what I deserve. I am such a selfish, horrible girl..."
"No, you aren't!" I said. "Even if all that you said was true... you aren't a selfish, horrible girl. Because, if you truly were, you would never have told me. You would have just continued on being like that without even letting me know. But since you are able to tell me that you are doing such a thing, that must mean your heart is truly good."
She just shook her head at me. "It's easy for a mere human to confess her sins with her mouth. It takes a God to change a heart."
She then continued walking. I followed her, wanting to say something but not knowing what I could say. When we finally reached my house, she turned back and walked towards me. She came right up to my face... and kissed me. I did not know what to make of that kiss... all I could tell that it felt like a very sorrowful kiss. She then pulled away, and said, "I'm afraid I did that for my own selfish reasons, too."
With that, she turned and walked away.
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| Okay, I feel like opening a can of worms. Participate if you want; if you don't, well, you don't. Obviously, this isn't NarniaWeb, so... yeah. I suppose if it gets too bad I'll attempt to put a stop to it, but you're free to ignore me. 
Anyways... what is your view on homosexuality?
Before you begin, two notes:
- It has been shown that there is some genetic basis for homosexuality.
- It is also known that homosexuality is *not* completely genetic. (There are cases of identical twins where only one is gay; since identical twins have the same DNA, that means homosexuality is certainly not completely genetic.)
So, share your thoughts. I'm going to leave this open-ended for now; I might come up with some specific questions later. As a fair warning, I may decide to play Devil's Advocate in any ensuing discussions.
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| So, the big news today is that we had a visitor from another dimension.
And here I thought I would be the first to truly break through the dimensional barrier… but of course, I should have suspected that if I was able to do it, then other people from other universes would be able to do it, too. Though it looks like our visitor used something other than tangents to get here… of course, I should not have expected that her universe was one that had our kind of magic, anyways.
She did say, though, that she used magic to get to our universe. Obvioiusly, it was her own universes’ kind of magic, but from her description of it, it was similar to our tangent magic. It just had a different way of actually using it. (Namely, they used the whole “mana” concept and incantations.)
Anyway, her name is Karen, and she looked like a pretty sickly little girl… well, actually, she was a sickly high school girl. Apparently, she has a condition such that she usually has to stay inside a sanitarium at her universe, so she does not get to go out a lot to see the outside world. One day, she was deemed well enough to visit outside… but instead of just going out to, say, the beach, she used some magic to teleport herself across dimensions. (In her universe, interdimensional travel was already well-established; I guess we were just never hit yet. That, or the history books say nothing of it.)
Since she defied her physical well-being in order to visit an exotic alternate universe, June, Niro, Mira, and I decided we would take her out and let her have a good time. All was going well, and it was another enjoyable weekend… and then her brother came looking for her.
Actually, Kyle was not really her brother. He was a boy her age, hired to watch over her at the sanitarium and keep her company. They had developed a brother-sister relationship since he was hired, and were about as close as brothers and sisters normally were. That kind of a relationship, though, led to some trouble… namely that Karen thought that Kyle was always on her case and never left her alone. That, and she felt that she was only just constantly worrying Kyle and being a burden on him. So she did the whole alternate universe trip as a way of getting away from him so that he would not have to bother with her for a while. Turns out, though, that Kyle was still worried about her and followed her into this universe. This led to quite the argument when they finally reunited, and an insistence by Karen that she would not return to her universe. And then, Karen ran away.
This led to a frantic search for her around campus, using every bit of magic that we and Kyle had. She had run away quite quickly, and at times it seemed like we would never find her. We eventually found her, resting at a park-like area near the campus. At that point, Kyle ran over and embraced her, saying he never wanted her to scare him like that again. Then he confessed: in many ways, he cared about her more than a sister. Karen had become a truly important person to him: someone he could not imagine living life without, and someone he truly loved caring for, no matter how much of a burden she thought it was. Karen was someone he truly loved with all his heart, and he hoped that he could always be by her side.
Karen returned the embrace and the feelings: she also really loved Kyle, and wanted to always be with him, even if sometimes she felt she needed some time to herself. She agreed to go back, and afterwards they simply disappeared back into their own universe.
Come to think of it, I’m not sure their confession was really a “true” confession, like a marriage proposal. Perhaps they only wanted to affirm their desire to be with each other as brother and sister, though perhaps closer than most siblings. At any rate, I would have liked to see them again… though until I can control alternate dimension travel, that is unlikely…
Though I did save something that resembled their “tangent trail” (or I suppose the closest thing to it in their universe). Maybe I can work that into something that can be used to go specifically to their universe.
- Arc
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| Over the last few days, I had been meeting with Dr. Maria Kurestia, Professor Kurestia’s wife, as she is part of the counseling services. I let her know about everything that has been troubling me lately, at least with regards to my general life. (I also let her know about my near-discovery of tangents for alternate dimension travel, since I figured her husband would have likely told her some about that already.) I asked her about Asperger’s syndrome, how my brother was diagnosed with it, and how my parents and I suspect that I might have it myself.
She eventually arranged a talk with my mom over magic-based communication channels. Through my mom’s description of my troubles during my early life and my descriptions of my current troubles, Dr. Kurestia was able to give a preliminary diagnosis that I did fall on the autistic spectrum around the Asperger’s syndrome area.
I asked what was the confidence of her diagnosis, and she gave me a surprise answer: she was completely confident of her diagnosis of Asperger’s syndrome… but not because she is sure that I actually “have” the syndrome. She explained that, especially with autistic spectrum disorders, which, since they are on a spectrum, mean that different people with those disorders will express different symptoms of that disorder in different ways, a diagnosis of Asperger’s syndrome is not really meant to be a label of some innate condition. Rather, it is a diagnosis for the purposes of treatment: since I show many of the symptoms of someone with Asperger’s syndrome, it would be effective to counsel me from the angle of someone dealing with the condition.
Of course, she could not be sure that her counseling would be particularly effective for me. That would, ultimately, depend on if I was willing to do what she suggests that I do. In that sense, she told me, Asperger’s is not entirely an innate condition that you can’t do anything about. There are some aspects in which the condition is part of my personality, and those cannot really be changed, but over time psychologists have been able to form methods for people with Asperger’s to adapt to their condition and make the most of it. (Indeed, as an echo of Mira’s earlier words, she said that there are many good aspects of Asperger’s syndrome, and that counseling would be for working to get the good aspects out of it while minimizing the bad aspects.)
So, now that I have this diagnosis, I suppose I have a lot to learn, and a lot to do. Dr. Kurestia gave me some references to learn more about Asperger’s syndrome, so that I could learn more about the condition and what aspects of it are most salient in my life and which aspects I perhaps might not have as much of. Also, we have arranged for official counseling to begin starting next week.
I’m still not sure how I feel about all this. I guess it’s a combination of relief and nervousness, if that is possible… not knowing exactly what this will mean for my life, but at the same time glad that there may be hope yet for some of my troubles.
- Arc
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